What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
