Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
