Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
