my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
