no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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