Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
