Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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