dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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