I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
