it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
