I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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