Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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