i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that's an acceptable place to lick
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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