If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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