Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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