Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
