my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just google imaged poop.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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