Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sponge bath it is.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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