What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
