You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
