Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
