3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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