I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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