2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
