When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
