fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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