do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
