I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
