you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
