Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
