I could have mohawked her pubes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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