Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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