And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
