the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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