its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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