Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
