i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
