Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize