i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
