just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
