when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
