two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
