so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's the barista slut.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
