I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
