If that was your dad, he is hot
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
