drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
