I never want to see another naked old woman again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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