She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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