you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
