Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
