he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
