Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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