It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
