my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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