My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
