i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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