Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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