you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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