Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
