Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
