"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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