i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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