if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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