I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
