11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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