How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
