I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
