Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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