Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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