I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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