I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
