she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I understand Curling. That high.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
