You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize